Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in J's LiveJournal:

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Friday, October 24th, 2003
9:50 am	Mehhh... Back up to 120. Yeah, I could make excuses like I might be getting my period, or I've been constipated as fuck for the past few days....but I think that the only real explanation is that I'm a fatass. Oh well. Keep in mind that I'm 5 foot, before you go thinking I'm a twig. Current Mood: pissed off (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 21st, 2003
8:38 am	Stress...... 118 still. Fine. None of my size 4 pants fit anymore. Oh well. Don't seem to have any 2's and can't quite squeeze into the 0's yet. So stressed out I want to scream and cry (well, the crying I took care of last night). I hate Organic Chem...if you don't need to take it, DON'T! Back to work. Current Mood: stressed (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 18th, 2003
2:26 am	Rambling So, I know this may sound weird, but to all you "little" girls out there (I'm barely 5 feet), do you just LOVE it when your friends pick you up, try to bench press you, etc? I mean, I know they're making fun of me in a way....but it makes me feel so tiny, and I love that just about ALL of my friends can pick me up in a fireman's carry, and they do, quite frequently! Heh...I know that's a little odd. Anyway, I've been "feeling" thinner. My clothes are fitting much looser, and I saw a pic of myself on someone's digital camera today and I was like "Wow...I'm not a cow!" Still need to drop some more, though. Heh...tonight's ice cream probably didn't help. But I had fun. Oh, and I think yet ANOTHER guy likes my tall, skinny, gorgeous, perfect roommate. UGGGGH. Makes me want to scream. I love her to death, but how does she get all the guys to like her??? Is it something about her? Or are guys REALLY just that superficial? Not that she isn't nice....she's a great gal, but she's very pretty. OK, enough for tonight, time for bed. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, October 17th, 2003
8:48 am	Back (in Black)? Don't know why that ACDC song came into my head. Anyway, I'm back to 118, after my weight gain from the weekend. I wasn't particularly good, but I've been a bit sick, and haven't eaten all that much...but then again I haven't exercised either. Whatever. I'm starting to care less and less about my weight, since I sort of hide it well, but that seems to be when it comes off the easiest. I'm just soooo damn busy all the time. Also, poor. I guess if I had a lot of money I would go out to eat all the time, but, no can do, so I stick to dining hall food. Ha ha...best diet EVER! :-P Hope everyone is doing well, and happy Friday to y'all. I don't know about YOU, but I need a weekend! Current Mood: calm (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 14th, 2003
10:01 am	Not TOO bad 121 this morning. I suppose I deserve to gain much more than 3 pounds after the way I ate this weekend. Whatever....my size 4's are still loose on me and I'll have more time this week to go to the gym. Later. Current Mood: blah (Comment on this)
Monday, October 13th, 2003
9:07 am	Gross Well...went away this weekend for an away game...we won. But...damn, I ate like a hog. Everyone has this perception of me eating so much (which I used to do last year), and they've been bugging me about losing weight and such, so I just said "Screw it" and ate so much I can't even describe it. Anyway, I had a good time on the trip, and yes, I did get drunk and nearly naked. :-P Anyway, I'm back now, hopefully I'll be better and hopefully tomorrow's weigh in won't put me at like 1-freakin'-80 or something...although I deserve it. Last weigh-in was 118. Later gators. Current Mood: blah (Comment on this)
Friday, October 10th, 2003
8:59 am	Stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it, Organic Chemistry!!!!!! 118 this morning! Down 2 pounds from Tuesday....sweeeeet! You just keep stressin' me out, Orgo....all you're causing is weight loss! (And major anxiety attacks because you suck....but...hey, who's counting). Anyway, I have lost my mind, and am now talking to the abstract concept that is Organic Chemistry. Note to self: get more sleep. Oh yeah, oh yeah! BMI = 23.0. When I came to school, September 5th, I was 132, with a BMI of 25.9. 14 pounds, baby! Do I dare go for 20???? I think so! I also now weigh 1 pound less than my mother, who is the same height as me (but 30 years older and with 2 kids under her belt). I'm really beginning to see a change in myself, and have way more self-confidence with what I wear. Meaning I won't be as embarrassed about my body if I get drunk and down to my undies at tomorrow's festivities! So, my main point here is....SUCK IT, ORGO! Current Mood: crazy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 9th, 2003
2:16 pm	Funny.... Isn't it odd how the scale never seems to coincide with what you think or feel? Sometimes you'll feel like you've gained 100 pounds and then it says you've lost 2. Or you'll feel like you've lost, and turns out you've gained 5. Does anyone else experience this phenomenon? Anyway, I've been so busy lately, I haven't had the time to go to the gym. Things will get better after this Chem test tomorrow, hopefully. But, for some reason, whenever I'm stressed, I tend to shed pounds like it's nothing. This morning, weighed 120. Fine by me. That's what I weighed after my Yom Kippur fast, so it was probably a bit innacurate then, but real now. Although tomorrow is my official weigh in day. So shoot me. Also, fit into a new pair of pants today. My size 4's are fitting me like nobody's business...hot diggity. I can move and breathe and sit and even roll them down a bit. Sweet. I only have one pair of size 2's, which I haven't tried in a while, perhaps next week. The rest are all 0's and 1's, and one pair of 00's. We'll see. I haven't really been thinking much about eating, or exercising, or weight, which is good, I guess. I've been totally stressed out by schoolwork, guys (don't even want to get into THAT one), and I think I've lost a friend, which makes me sad...which is probably why I've lost him....it's a vicious cycle. I think I'm a bit depressed, but I'm trying to get some help. Sorry if this entry is weird and disjointed....but that's sort of how I'm feeling right now. Current Mood: busy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 7th, 2003
8:31 am	Almost to a new decile? 120 this morning!!!! Which puts me at a BMI of 23.4. Now, the question is, is this a post Yom Kippur fluke, or what? I didn't eat or drink from 5:30 Sunday night until about 6 on Monday night. Religious reasons, obviously. I don't EVER fast, normally....I just can't. I don't know how y'all do it...I could barely make it through one class yesterday! But, anyway, I made up for it by eating a gigantic dinner....I just threw caution the the wind, I was so hungry. So, I guess we shall see on Friday. But, even if it was a fluke, I'd like to see that number again or perhaps (dare I suggest it?) something in the 110s? I shall try to get in some gym time, as I've been bad about that lately. I've just been SUPER rediculously busy. Hope all is well with everyone. Current Mood: awake (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 4th, 2003
7:48 pm	Yo Hello! So, the 122 wasn't a fluke....yay! Weighed the same thing yesterday at my weigh-in, even though I've been eating not-so-great this week. But, I seem to have found the perfect weight loss plan for me. Here it is: I. Diet Eat normally, except for no fried foods on weekdays, and ONLY diet pop. II. Exercise A. Gym - when you have the time...ha! B. Other - Find heaviest instrument in marching band, march with it to stadium (about a mile), climb up and down the bleachers (x2), stand up and sit down with the instrument thoughout entire game, march back with instrument. Repeat once a week for all of football season. III. Special instructions A. Be sure to have at LEAST 2 lab science courses, one being organic chemistry. B. Also include an intensive course (related to your major), which requires at least 200 pages of reading per week. C. Other classes at your own discretion. --------------------------------------------- Heh....OK, so some of that was a bit of sarcasm. But seriously, guys...I've lost 10 pounds since school started 3 weeks ago. I'm so stressed out I hardly have time to eat, and my stomach is often in knots anyway. And the marching band really is a good workout...especially with a super-heavy instrument. :-P My stats, just for posterity: Age: 19 Height: 5 foot nothing Current weight: 122 Highest weight: 140 Lowest weight: 106 Pant size: 2/4/6, depending on the brand Hope everyone is having a nice weekend! Current Mood: giddy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 2nd, 2003
11:20 am	Temptation Well, I've been very tempted to binge lately....but I have resisted. Yesterday I went to cook a bagel and I just turned around and left. It wound up working well, because instead I went for a nice long walk with a nice boy. :-P Hmmm.....eating a ton and feeling really guilty, or walking and talking with a nice guy.....I think I made the right choice. My face looks a bit thinner, lately, I think. 10 pounds when you're only 5 feet is a big difference, compared to when you're like, 5 foot 9 or something. Yay for being short! Anyway....enough procrastination. Work, class, etc. Here's to hopin' that tomorrow's weigh in will be good. Also....lookin' ahead...is anyone else here Jewish? Monday is Yom Kippur...the day of fasting.....take that as you will. Current Mood: awake (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
10:31 am	Huzzah! Had the overwhelming urge to weigh myself today, even though it's not a weigh-in day, and I just weighed myself yesterday and I was still stuck at 124. Well, I'm weak, but guess what??? 122! BMI = 23.8! Yay! Hopefully it's not just a fluke or something! But it'll be nice to finally type a different weight into the elliptical walker....hee hee....I know that's a dumb little thing. OK, off to class. 10 pounds since school started!!! Wheeee! Current Mood: satisfied (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 30th, 2003
4:10 pm	La misma So, lately I've been feeling kind of self-confident, which is WEIRD for me. I just had an emotional breakthrough (following a breakDOWN), on Friday night, and the weekend was good. I ate all right, but I didn't get to do much gymming, because I was sooooo busy. However, I've been walking a lot a lot a lot. Buuuut....on Sunday I got my period....fun fun. I've been feeling a bit bloated, and today's weigh in was.....once again.....124. Better than gaining, I suppose. But PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE can I see some change on Friday??? (And by some change I mean a DECREASE). My period should be over by then, and I promise I'll go to the gym tonight and tomorrow and the very least! Overall, life is pretty good right now, although BUSY as all hell. Current Mood: complacent (Comment on this)
Friday, September 26th, 2003
2:33 pm	TGIF? So, time for my Friday weigh-in. Once again, 124. I deserve that. After last night...I deserve like 130. Why can't I just be happy with myself??? BMI is 24.2. Barely within normal. At 100 it would be 19.5. Barely within normal from the other side. That would be great. I just don't know what to do now. I go into the dining hall and I just don't know what to do. I'd just like to cry and then pack up and hibernate for the winter. :-( Current Mood: discontent (Comment on this)
2:38 am	Oh my god...... Oh my god. What did I do? D, it's taking all my willpower just to not come and wake you up right now. Funny....I have willpower when it comes to that. Why? I was doing so well. But I was starting to crave food. So, I went downstairs to the basement at 2 am and raided the vending machines, went into the bathroom, and ate some of it. It wasn't even stuff I liked....it was nasty crackers and cookies and shit. But it was almost like I wasn't doing it for the binging.....I was doing it to purge. I wanted to throw up, and I did. Uch.....why why why why???? It wasn't worth it. It didn't make me feel good at all. I'm so dumb. I wnt to say I'll never do it again....I hope I'll never do it again....D....I need a hug. Oh god. Current Mood: crushed (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 24th, 2003
10:23 pm	What the hell day is it anyway??? So, it's been a weird few days. Every day I've thought it was the next day...odd. Anyway, on Monday afternoon, I began to feel queasy, probably owing to the sketchy enchiladas at lunch. I barely made it back from my evening class before I started puking my guts out. Gross. My friend forced me to go to the infirmary, because I was running a fever. The doctor gave me a shot in my butt that pretty much knocked me out cold. There was a small, irrational part of me that was thinking "Hmmm...if I'm sick for like a week, I'd lose soooo much weight". But, I realized that would be a bad thing, because...well, I'd be SICK for a week, and fall behind in classes and such. Regardless, I woke up the next day mostly recovered. Tonight I had a meeting, and all throughout it, I was having this intense craving for chocolate. I know this is not abnormal for most people....but I DON'T LIKE CHOCOLATE! Still, I had this huge desire to go buy the nearest story out of all of their chocolate and stuff my face. Isn't that odd? Perhaps I'm getting my period or something. Alas, I opted to go to the gym instead. Afterwards, as I was getting in the shower, I was thinking that I didn't get to weigh myself yesterday, 'cuz I was all sick and messed up, and I had the urge to weigh myself right then, at around 9:30pm. I knew that the reading would be somewhat innacurate, or at least unfair to compare to last Friday's weight, because I always weigh myself in the mornings, before I've eaten or drank anything. I knew this....but I thought maybe seeing a high number would shame me into being better, or at least stave off any more weird cravings. I braced myself for the inevitable 128, 129 or 130.....eek. And then....124. Huh? That's exactly what I weighed last Friday morning. Weeeeird. My body is so weird. Bet you anything that on this Friday weigh-in I'll be like 140 or something. Anyway, I am feeling a bit better, fitting into more jeans that I haven't fit into in a while. I even wore a semi tight shirt today, and while I didn't look fantastic, I don't think I looked like a gross lardass or anything....at least I hope not.... So the point of this entry is.....I'm weird. I'll report back on Friday. P.S. - Hi, D....if you're reading this! Current Mood: weird (Comment on this)
Monday, September 22nd, 2003
2:34 pm	Good morning! Well....nice to wake up to a new pair of jeans that you suddenly fit into, isn't it?? I know this is horrible, but back in August my stepdad took me shopping, and he's so clueless, and I bought all these clothes that didn't fit, purposely, so I'd have something to look forward to. Well...I finally fit into the first pair today! They're size 4 capris (but they fit me like full length jeans...heh). They're also "low rise", which I usually have trouble with 'cuz of my big hips and butt...but they fit! Woot! I resisted the urge to weigh myself this morning, because Tuesdays and Fridays are my weigh in days....I don't want to get obsessed and weigh myself every ten minutes, because that's just counterproductive. I didn't eat too badly this weekend....and I had a football game (I play a VERY heavy instrument in the marching band), so I assume that burned some calories, and I also worked out once this weekend. So...let's see....goals. Today is the 22nd, right? I think it would be nice to get to 120 by October....possible? Maybe...depending on tomorrow's weigh-in. On Friday I weighed 124. I think just if I was 123 tomorrow, that would satisfy me, since I allow myself to eat more on weekends. Although....I may be getting my period soon....I'm not sure. It's so damn unreliable. Next time I'm going home is Thanksgiving for a few days, and my mom wants to take official family pictures, like at Sears or something, since we haven't done that since I was about 10. I'd like to look GOOD in these pictures...especially since my little brother hit puberty and got all tall and skinny...damn him! Heh. I think that 107 by Thanksgiving would be sweet. But we'll see how things go. I'll let y'all know how tomorrow's weigh in goes! Current Mood: content (Comment on this)
Friday, September 19th, 2003
10:16 pm	Friday? 124 this morning....down 2 lbs from Tuesday. Not bad. I've been eating reasonably and trying to work out at least 5 times a week. Hopefully I won't go too nuts this weekend....just alcohol probably. I fit into my size 4 jeans again comfortably. Goody. Hopefully the 2's will come soon. Because I've got a closet full of 0/2/4 that I wore all last year, and I will fit into those 0's again. Classes are stressing the hell out of me...and my "friends". Argh. Hope everyone is well. Current Mood: blah (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 16th, 2003
1:19 pm	Weigh-in day So, Tuesdays and Fridays will be my weigh-in days. This morning, I weighed 126. I ate a lot this weekend, including McDonalds, and I also pigged out last night at this little get-together, and didn't have much time to go to the gym. I'm surprised I was only 1 pound up since Friday. I have a feeling that Fridays may be better than Tuesdays, just because I'm more controlled on the weekdays. All in all, though...my pants are feeling looser, and I'm feeling a bit better about myself. My classes are certainly going to kill me. Organic chemistry = NOT FUN. But I'm feeling much better here and more in control than I was at home. So, uh, in the interest of whatever.....my stats and stuff. Age: 19 Height: 5' Highest weight: 140 Lowest weight: 106 Current weight: 126 Goal weight: 100ish Current BMI: 24.6 And I'm trying to do this the healthy way. Eating reasonably, no fried foods except for weekends, and no regular pop. I find that diet pop is a good way to curb cravings, and also a very easy way to cut out LOTS of extra calories. Also, trying to gym about 5 days a week. That's about it. I guess I'll post my results on Tuesdays and Fridays. Current Mood: mellow (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 13th, 2003
12:57 am	Back to school Well, here I am....back in school and such. I've been eating decently and exercising. No fried foods, except for weekends, and only one trip through the dining line. I get hungry at night...but...oh well. I bought a scale. Weighed myself on Tuesday morning: 128. Weighed myself on Friday morning: 125. Not too bad. I've been going to the gym almost every day, and just walking EVERYWHERE. Maybe Tuesdays and Fridays can be my weigh-in days. Current Mood: okay (Comment on this)